Responding to Family Conflict
How and when you respond to family conflict depends on a number of factors. Here are some questions to ask yourself when faced with family conflict. Click on each answer to learn more about things you should consider when deciding what to do next in various circumstances.
Safety Concerns
What are your safety concerns?
High?
Sometimes people respond to family conflict violently. If you do not feel safe, prioritize your safety and leave the home. If you have immediate concerns for the safety of other people in the home, contact the police after you leave.
Medium?
There is no immediate danger, but you are concerned about the safety of mom, baby or someone else who is in the home. Depending on who is in the home, and what the issue is, you will want to learn more about the situation, use emotion-focused reflections and validation to reduce distress, consider resources and referrals, and consider teaching Positive Partner Communication.
Low or none?
Responding is a low priority, consider using emotion-focused reflections and validation to reduce distress. Normalize how stress can increase family conflict.
Privacy
Who is present?
Just mom?
- Learn more about the conflict with reflections and open-ended questions.
- Ask closed ended screening questions about family violence: “Are you concerned about your safety or your child’s safety?”
- Learn about mom’s concerns about the conflict
- Provide resources and referrals
- Build your relationship with mom
- Teach Positive Partner Communication if it would be useful
Mom and baby or child?
Depending on the age of the child, you may want to see if the child can go into another room so you can talk to mom alone.
Mom and one other adult
If there is a conflict between Mom and another adult that is not severe, and you have a good relationship with both people:
- Consider reflecting the stress that both family members are experiencing to reduce the tension level
- For example “It sounds like the two of you are under a lot of stress right now. It’s really normal for families to disagree when there is a lot of stress.” This is the easiest way to respond without taking sides
Mom and more than one other adult
This is probably not a good time to respond to family conflict.
Relationship Quality
How good is your relationship with each of the people in conflict
Good relationship with mom
If Mom wants to change how she deals with family conflict, there is no immediate safety concern, and you’re able to speak to Mom alone, consider teaching Positive Partner Communication
Good relationship with mom and the other person in conflict
- Prioritize personal safety-- If needed, leave and call the police and your supervisor
- Defuse emotional distress by using emotion focused reflections, validations, and affirmations
- Consider both individuals stage of change
- Consider teaching Positive Partner Communication
Good relationship with mom and poor or no relationship with other person in conflict
- Prioritize personal safety-- If needed, leave and call the police and your supervisor
- Defuse emotional distress by using emotion focused reflections, validations, and affirmations